Badtz Maru, no question. Eeyore would prolly be too depressed to even try.

Ahhh... you miss the subtle nuances of Eeyore's style. While there's no question that in the initial fistfight between Badtz Maru and Eeyore that Badtz Maru would win, the after effects of fighting with someone so monumentally depressing would scar B.M. for life. Ultimately, as Bad Ass Badtz Maru struggled with new and profoundly depressing meta-philosophical quandaries, he would irrevocably be led down the road to Alcoholism, drug use and eventual madness.

The only questions in my mind are the following: Will Eeyore be killed in the initial onslaught by Badtz Maru, or will he simply lie on the floor and bleed to death because he sees the pointlessness in prolonging his life? And, will Badtz Maru take his own life after having to deal with both the guilt from killing Eeyore and his new found depression after realising that ultimately his existence is pointless in the wake of the undenyable and depressing truths he will come to understand after having his perceptions of reality altered by his encounter with Eeyore?