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Beware the Deadly Cello Scrotum

Fear the Horrifying Guitar Nipple!

Until this week cellists worldwide had reason to fear a terrible malady. Worse than fiddler's neck, flautist's chin or even the dreaded guitarist's nipple was the condition known as "cello scrotum".

Never mind that this dermatalogical ailment seemed unlikely, given the posture of the average male cellist, the condition was named in the British Medical Journal, and thereafter in an array of reviews of musician's aches and pains.

Nearly all such reviews referred to a letter to the journal in 1974 from John Murphy, husband of Dr Elaine Murphy, who noted that he had once come across a case of cello scrotum.

...

In a letter to the BMJ, prompted by yet another reference to the ailment in the journal last month, the couple wrote: "Perhaps after 34 years it's time for us to confess that we invented cello scrotum."

Their letter of 1974 was in response to a missive from a Dr Curtis regarding a skin irritation that he had seen among classical guitarists. After many hours with the instrument pressed against their chests, the musicians had developed guitarist's nipple.

"We thought it highly likely to be a spoof and decided to go one further by submitting a letter pretending to have noted a similar phenomenon in cellists, signed by the non-doctor one of us," the couple wrote. "Somewhat to our astonishment, the letter was published."

...

Noel Bradshaw, 52, a cellist with the London Symphony Orchestra, said that he had never felt inclined to worry about developing cello scrotum.

"You would have to be doing something fairly extreme to get that by playing the cello," he said.

He suggested that any such performance would not be tolerated in polite society. "Otherwise, given the angle of the cello, you would have to have pretty enormous bollocks," he said.

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Playing instruments is dangerous, kids. Don't go taking chances!

By min | January 28, 2009, 11:19 AM | Music & Science