The Homecoming Queen Has Got A Gun by Julie Brown
It was homecoming night at my high school
Everyone was there, it was totally cool
I was real excited, I almost wet my jeans
'Cause my best friend Debbie was homecoming queen
She looked so pretty in pink chiffon, (chiffon)
Riding the float with her tiara on (tiara on)
Holding this humongous bouquet in her hand (bouquet)
She looked straight out of Disneyland
You know, like the Cinderella ride, I mean definitely an E-ticket (E-ticket)
The crowd was cheering, everyone was stoked, was stoked
I mean it was like the whole school was totally coked or something
The band was playing Evergreen
And all of a sudden somebody screamed
Look out! The homecoming queen's got a gun!
Everybody run, the homecoming queen's got a gun
Everybody run, the homecoming queen has got a gun
Debbie's smiling and waving her gun
Picking off cheerleaders one by one
Oh Buffie's pompom just blew to bits
Oh no, Mitzie's head just did the splits
God, my best friend's on a shooting spree
Stop it, Debbie, you're embarrassing me
How could you do what you just did?
Are you having a really bad period?
Stop Debbie, you're making a mess
Powder burns all over your dress
An hour later the cops arrived
By then the entire glee club had died
No big loss
You wouldn't believe what they brought to stop her
Tear gas, machine guns, even a chopper
"Throw down your gun and tiara and come out of the float"
Debbie didn't listen to what the cop said
She aimed and fired and now the math teacher's dead
Oh it's really sad but kind of a relief
I mean, we had this big test coming up next week
Debbie's really having a blast
She's wasting half of the class
The cops fired a warning shot that blew her off the float
I tried to scream "duck" but it stuck in my throat
She hit the ground and did a flip, it was real acrobatic
But I was crying so hard I couldn't work my Instamatic
I ran down to Debbie, I had to find out
What made her do it, why'd she freak out?
I saw the bullet had got her right in the ear
I knew then the end was near
So I ran down and I said (in her good ear), "Debbie, why'd you do it?" She raised her head, smiled, and said "I - I did it for Johnny." Johnny? Well like who's Johnny? Answer me, Debbie, who's Johnny? Does anybody here know Johnny? Are you Johnny? There was one guy named Johnny but he was a total geek, he always had food in his braces. Answer me, Debbie, who's Johnny? Oh God this is like that movie Citizen Kane you know where you later find out Rosebud was a sled? But we'll never know who Johnny was because like, she's dead.
Man, if this song came out now someone would be outraged. We're so old!