Link (ha! link! get it? zing!)

Australian police have seized a record half a tonne of the drug ice and heroin worth up to A$500m (£335m) hidden in a shipment of terracotta pots from Thailand.

Ganon prolly kidnapped Zelda because of a drug deal gone bad with Link. Threatened to sell her into white slavery unless he got his merchandise. Link runs around the world desperately trying to locate the heroin, but in the end, has to off Ganon to save Zelda and himself. And that's why video games are bad for you.