I think i've finally cracked the complex image naming code! And if i haven't, you won't know until it's too late! Bwahahaha!!!

1. Fearless Defenders #4AU by Phil Jimenez

[insert the usual Jimenez gushing] Ok, i concede that fnord12's right. This character design is terrible. Nobody's going to want to draw all the detail necessary to make her look good. The hair alone is crazy and that's before you get to her costume. I just want to bask in Jimenez art, ok? Is that so wrong?

2. Uncanny Avengers #8AU by Jim Cheung

I have a basic proportion issue with this cover. My first impression is "Geez, Kang is giant." Now, i know the two in front of him are children. But children aren't just scaled down adults. They have their own body proportions that make them appear as children standing next to an adult, not an adult female with a boy and a giant. Ofc, these are not really human children, so we can just say that's why they look a little funny size-wise. But, their heads are tinier than Kang's gun (the gun that doesn't look particularly huge in Kang's hands). Just saying.

3. Uncanny Avengers #8 by John Cassaday

I think i just don't care for Cassaday's style. His people look doughy, and i feel his body proportions are off. The legs are too short and too bulky for the torsos. Sunfire's mask looks more like a cloth draped over his face ala early Baron Zemo.

4. Avengers #11 by Dustin Weaver

Not reading Hickman's Avengers, so i'm not really sure what's going on here. Why is Spider-Woman in a Sailor Moon costume? When did Cannonball turn into an Autobot?

As always, let's talk about body proportions. Spider-Woman's thighs are the same circumference as her arms. And is it just me or are Captain Marvel's legs somehow too big? I will let you see into a tiny portion of the insanity that's my brain. I'm looking at her big feet and her itty bitty head and then looking at my feet and wondering how i can get my feet to my head to compare relative sizes without anyone at work noticing. Her calves are the same size as her head! I know they're in boots, but still.

Anyway, what's really important is that we point out the unnecessary cleavage going on with the Black Widow's unzipped cat suit (cause a cat suit isn't sexy enough on its own). In general, when there is going to be lots of jumping around going on, women prefer the girls to be tightly secured, not 2 jump flips away from waving hello to the enemy. I could go on, but i'm sure nobody would appreciate that.

5. Avengers #12 by Dustin Weaver

Dinosaurs - good. Thor without his winged helmet - completely unacceptable. Goddamn movies.

6. All New X-Men #11 by Stuart Immonen

It's tough drawing 1960s Iceman, isn't it? I believe at the point in time they pulled this Iceman, he should have just figured out how to be icy rather than a walking snowman. On Immonen's cover, he's neither snowy nor icy. He's more alien, with the slanted eyes and the totally white, hairless skin. Kinda like those guys in Prometheus.

7. Young Avengers #5 by Jamie McKelvie

So, this is a commentary on the cover design, not the art itself. And it's going to be kinda rude. When i was a junior in high school, i somehow ended up in this graphic arts class that i definitely didn't belong in. I was given the assignment to design the program for some awards ceremony (as you may recall, there were always awards ceremonies going on in hs). Seeing as i had about zero clue as to how to do this, i basically got a bunch of clip art silhouettes of kids doing high school-y things (sports, mostly), and cobbled them together. My teacher being both a nice guy and pressed for time took it as is. I can only hope my name never appeared in any credits for it. It was a sad, sad piece of work.

That's what i think of when i look at this cover. The actual drawings of people are ok, but i feel the design gives off a slapped together "we didn't know what to draw" vibe. The whited out grabby hands contribute to that.

8. A+X #8 by Humberto Ramos

Do i even need to say it? Look at their heads. Now look at their bodies. Look at their heads again. Now look at their biceps. What the hell?

I'll give this to Ramos, though, he made Cap's head covering as unstupid looking as it could be. He doesn't look like he's wearing a bowl with a chinstrap, at least.

9. Thanos Rising #2 by Simone Bianchi

Oh, that is a very much not good Thanos. I don't even know what exactly is wrong. His face is just all stupid. It could be the puffy cheeks that seem to be pressed against the side of his helmet as he smiles. Could be the smarmy smile that's more "hey, baby" than "I've got a fantastic idea that will end in your quite painful death". And lest you think his stupid face distracted me from noticing his little feet, rest assured, it did not.

10. X-Men Legacy #10 by Mike Del Mundo

This is a kewl retro ad cover design.

11. Savage Wolverine #5 by Frank Cho

Hey! Boobies!

The Hulk gets a face. Wolverine gets a face. I would identify the chick except, oh gosh, she hasn't got a face.

12. Indestructible Hulk #8 by Walt Simonsen

Where's Thor's nose? It's like he got the bad nose job.

13. FF #7 by Michael Allred

Is it Marvel's new policy to make readers guess what comic they're looking at? Why is the title the same color as the background?? Are they testing us?

14. Fearless Defenders #4 by Mark Brooks

I cannot convey to you just how much i hate the cocked hip chick stance. This is Valkyrie, a Viking warrior, not Jessica Alba in Dark Angel (for years, i suspected she had a neck injury).

I like the Thor doll, but it doesn't make up for the outrage at another exploitive Brooks cover. Where's my dress-up Captain America paper doll? Where's my Thor in his underpants showing off his tight ass cover? You don't see those covers because they'd clearly be wrong and clearly have nothing to do with the story. But for some reason, this is ok.

Let's say Brooks had to design the cover way before the issue was written so he had to make it pretty generic. What's wrong with a picture of Valkyrie riding Aragorn and swinging her sword? How many generic Wolverine jumping and slashing covers have you seen in your lifetime? No, no. Let's go with the Valkyrie in her underwear option. Ugh.

I'm clearly back to my old cranky self. Last month was clearly a fluke. Huzzah!

I think Uncanny Avengers #8AU looks awesome (we won't be getting it but that's besides the point).

In Avengers #11 they're clearly going for a Japanese/Anime style theme with all the characters drawn as Anime archetypes. Granted, the fact that the occasion for that is a guest appearance by Shang-Chi, who is Chinese, is weird. But it does sort of excuse the boob issue for the Black Widow, to a degree.

I think more allowances should be made for style. I don't like Ramos, but he always deliberately distorts his characters, so the proportion issue there is not the same as when, say, Cassaday does it. Similar issue for Simonson's nose - part of the issue there is he comes from an era when the art wasn't so photorealistic, so a sketchy nose wasn't a problem (Thor's face on that cover just overwhelms me with nostalgic goodness).

Everyone's been criticizing Frank Cho's sexualization in that Savage Wolverine book (not that you shouldn't, too).

Definitely agree with you about that Iceman (weird, not at all snowy) and Thanos (terrible!).

Can I use this as an opportunity to reiterate how much I don't care for the new Thor costume? On Avengers 12, he looks exactly like Hyperion. I get that this may be to point out that they're both the "Superman" of their own worlds, but it's a dumb point. Especially, when Thor's original costume is perfect (see the Hulk cover for evidence).

i hate Thor's generic black tank top, too. much as you guys hated it, i think chainmail Thor was better than this.

Not sure whether i dislike Tank Top or Chainmail more but clearly the classic costume is the best.

I also wanted to mention that some of this artwork is shown before the titles have been added, so that FF may wind up with more prominent lettering. It also looks like it might work as a Mad Magazine style fold-in.