Jurassic Park 1: Jurassic Park - It was chockful of bad dinosaur science, but wasn't super terrible. I was left with questions though.
Other than the girl turning on the lamp when the last thing they wanted to do was draw the attention of the T.Rex, i didn't have too many strong feelings about the characters deserving to be eaten.
After surviving that (Jeff Goldblum, why didn't you just let her fall?), Miss I-Don't-Need-Your-Help continues to wear the blood-soaked jacket as they try to escape the island. Guess who follows. There are just some people you need to break up with and not look back.
They were the most horrible people. They caused the deaths of no less than 3 people and still thought they were the good guys. And in the end, because of Tea Leoni, the pterosaurs escape their enclosure and you see them fly past the main characters' plane. Instead of horror, they basically go, "Ha, I guess they're finding a new place to nest." AND THAT'S IT! "People are going to get killed and eaten. Isn't that heartwarming and amusing?!"
Second, the movie was really about parents sending their teenaged and pre-pubescent sons off to be eaten by dinosaurs. Having come to the realization their children have ruined their lives and their relationship, they arrange for the boys to take a "vacation" in Jurassic World without them. At the airport, mom swears they're going to have "so much fun" and after the kids walk away, dad darkly comments, "So much for that last family breakfast." The film wants you to think he's referring to their divorce, but i know the truth. We were told how many pounds of meat the dinosaur park needs to feed its inhabitants just before the kids are put on the plane. I know what's really going on here.
In the end when the parents show up, mom's not crying because she's happy her sons are alive. She's crying because she now has to take them home again.
Oddly, this turned out to be the best of the JP movies because of that last fight between the T. Rex and the Plotosaurus. All the human stuff was shit, but the dinosaur fights...
This trailer is all true:
By min | July 13, 2017, 10:48 PM | Movies