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You know, all my life I hoped this would happen. Ever since childhood I expected it. I knew these creatures were alive somewhere, but I had no proof, scientific proof, and I had to keep it to myself, or my colleagues would have all laughed at me. -- Dr. Sampson, The Giant Behemoth


We are not connected with "Snyder of Berlin", Berlin, PA 15530.


Hugo Drax: James Bond. You appear with the tedious inevitability of an unloved season.
James Bond: I didn't know there were seasons in space.
Hugo Drax: Only winter for you.
-- Moonraker


Cabot: How much further?
Hup: I don't know, a couple of hours, more or less...as the time flies.
-- Outlaw of Gor


He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.
-- Deuteronomy 23:1


Later, in the privacy of his own apartment, Raxton peels off his outer clothes, again to revel in his awesome power...
-- Amazing Spider-Man #35


Hey, you remember where we first met?
Okay, I don't remember where we first met.
-- Kanye "Uh-huh, baby" West


When you're really good, they call you HIPer HIPo.


but it's really more in the style of the European albums being published at that time...

The first rule of holes is when youre in one, stop digging. When youre in three, bring a lot of shovels.
-- Thomas Friedman


No crime of commission was ever attributed to him, and his crimes of omission were only misdemeanors. In his middle life, at about the time such things were known about, it was discovered that he had pernicious anemia. It is possible that his virtue lived on a lack of energy.
-- John Steinbeck, East of Eden


the vegetable is 'pea'!

I was going to tell you about my parents. I was just visiting them, and I don't like them. I've come to grips with this recently. I love them. I'd die for them. But if I met them at a party and they were strangers, I'd just be like, 'These people? This place is beat.'
-- Mike Birbiglia


Ok, in Norway..Norway, you got, you got two big sports. You got chess and, and..uh..uh....sadness.
-- Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report (April 24, 2012)


Ride the tiger
You can see his stripes
But you know he's clean
-- Dio, Holy Diver


Lady Grantham: Why would you want to go to a real school? You're not a doctor's daughter.
Sybil: Nobody learns anything from a governess, apart from French and how to curtsy.
Lady Grantham: What else do you need? Are you thinking of a career in banking?
Cora: Things are different in America.
Lady Grantham: I know. They live in wigwams.
-- Downton Abbey


duck cake

Executive DA Jack McCoy: Blood's thicker.
DA Adam Schiff: Yeah. Maybe Estelle Muller's blood is a little too thick for the arteries going to her brain.
-- Law & Order, Legacy


Thor, if they made a greeting card that said: Congratulations to you on your army gathering skills...I would buy you one.
-- Iron Man, Avengers Prime #5


That is my principal objection to life, I think: It's too easy, when alive, to make perfectly horrible mistakes.
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Deadeye Dick


pollen

A young person following the news for the first time would probably think that an economist is someone who gets on television to say how surprised he is by the economy.
-- Dean Baker, The Hill's Congress Blog (August 25, 2010)


My first choice is a strong consumer agency. My second choice is no agency at all and plenty of blood and teeth left on the floor.
-- Elizabeth Warren (March 2010)


We await you, merry gnome.
-- Omsk, Russia (February 2010)


Your RODNEY NEEDS LOVE Clearing House


Trying to have a conversation with you would be like arguing with a dining room table.
-- Congressman Barney Frank (August 19, 2009)


Every time you think you weaken the nation.
-- Moe, Three Stooges: Half-Shot Shooters, 1936


Rodney Fights Gigan

Is anybody here a Shriner? I'm Lieutenant Colombo, police department... I could use some help. Is anybody here a Shriner or does anybody know a Shriner?
-- Peter Falk, Requiem For A Falling Star


trash monster

One thing's for sure: we're all going to be a lot thinner.
-- Han Solo


The left in this country has been successfully cowed by the Democratic Party. The votes of progressives are taken for granted by Democrats.... By allowing ourselves to be manipulated, we have demonstrated that we have no moral substance. We have no line that can be never be crossed, no stance so sacred and important that we are willing to stand up and fight back.
-- Ralph Nader, as quoted in The Nation


Fish stuck in Texas fence after Hurricane Ike

All i knew about football was my dad always said it was "like chess". I knew how to play chess. That wasn't chess.
-- fnord12


If you're visiting the Great Wall and you have to pee...

As for that VP talk all the time, Ill tell you, I still cant answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?
-- Sarah Palin, Republican VP Nominee 2008


1967 Minilla

You can't play that wink I squopped it YOU CAN'T PLAY THAT WINK!!!
-- Mitt Romney (sort of)


Gloomy Bear

He has five or six brains which are remarkably irrigated.
-- Carla Bruni-Sarkozy (regarding husband President Nicolas Sarkozy)


Bird flu

Victoria Switzer, a retired social studies teacher, was on phone-bank duty one night during the Pennsylvania primary campaign...She made 60 calls to prospective voters in Susquehanna County, her home county, which is 98 percent white...One caller, Switzer remembers, said he couldnt possibly vote for Obama and concluded: "Hang that darkie from a tree!"
-- Washington Post (May 13, 2008)


Japanese bathroom baby gargoyle

I want the Iranians to know that if I'm the president, we will attack Iran. In the next 10 years, during which they might foolishly consider launching an attack on Israel, we would be able to totally obliterate them.
-- Hillary Clinton (April 22, 2008)


Love with robots will be as normal as love with other humans, while the number of sexual acts and lovemaking positions commonly practiced between humans will be extended, as robots teach us more than is in all of the world's published sex manuals combined.
-- David Levy, Love + Sex With Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot Relationships


The simple fact is our civilization puts no value on rest.
-- B.F. Skinner, Walden Two


Hello Kitty Glock

Give me a break! I've got news for all the latte-drinking, Prius-driving, Birkenstock-wearing, trust fund babies crowding in to hear him speak! This guy won't last a round against the Republican attack machine. He's a poet, not a fighter.
-- Tom Buffenbarger, Clinton surrogate and Machinists union President


Yukitaro

Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, and lessens the frictions of social contacts.
-- Clare Booth Luce, courtesy of The Order, issue #5, Marvel Comics


Koffing

Koffing!
-- Koffing


Bounder

Wansa wansa wansa wansa peanut butter.
-- Anonymous


Freedom is about authority. Freedom is about the willingness of every single human being to cede to lawful authority a great deal of discretion about what you do.
-- Rudolph Guiliani


Russian soldiers

One. We are one. One is the beginning. Are you one, Herbert?
-- Star Trek, The Way to Eden (Episode 75)


Our sunflowers after the deer came

Reticulating splines
-- SimCity 2000


Tin Drum

Henchman 24: Come on! They have one female servicing a large group of males. That implies a species that lays eggs.
Henchman 21: Oh my God, you're crazy! They're so obviously mammals!
Henchman 24: Please! She'd be in estrus 24/7 if she didn't lay eggs.
Henchman 21: Smurfs don't lay eggs! I won't tell you this again! Papa Smurf has a fucking beard! They're mammals!
-- The Venture Bros.


1930s AutoMat

The only thing worse than getting another Bush would be getting someone Bush outsmarted.
-- Mark Gisleson, Norwegianity.com


A rabbit burrow

Snake? Snake?
-- Felippa


Mooninite

Well, I'm the vice president, and they're not.
-- Dick Cheney


It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.
-- Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything


That'sh a Shmith & Weshon and you've had your shix.
-- Shean Connery, Dr. No


Astro Boy mooncakes

As much as I don't want to talk about Electronic Arts three days in a row, if they're going to keep exposing their flank, then I'm going to take the bonus to hit.
-- Tycho, Penny Arcade


Little Kang    

Just like Clor or Thone, which ever you prefer, putting a thunderbold through Goliath, so has a thunderbolt been put through my last bits of hope for this being a great Marvel event. I have now dropped this from my pull list.
-- Onslaught


Base Wars

[Baseball] is a game with a lot of waiting in it; it is a game with increasingly heightened anticipation of increasingly limited action.
-- Johnny Wheelwright, A Prayer for Owen Meany


Hello Superman

I forgot that pillows don't have to smell like feet. You know, I have to say, I think it's good I did this hostel thing in my thirties, and I'll tell you why...If I had done it in my twenties or teens, I would've been naïve enough to think that hostels were exotic and romantic. But once you're in your thirties, you've lived enough to know they're gross and should be avoided at all costs.
-- Lorelei Gilmore, Gilmore Girls


Chumley ice cream cake

Who are the brain police?
-- Frank Zappa


A neutron

We think it's important that, in doing that, they try to limit as much as possible the so-called collateral damage, not only on civilians but also on human lives
-- Tony Snow, struggling for coherency


Dhinoterium

Come on baby... (Don't feed the meter)
Baby take my hand... (Don't feed the meter)
Let's get the hell out of Dublin... (Don't feed the meter)
Baby, they can all go to hell


White conservative judge, Princeton grad with excellent career prospects, ISO submissive SWF for politically useful marriage and occasional strip search. No Democrats, feminazis, fatties. Pro-life views desirable but not required. Must be able to cry on cue. Respond to "Sammy," c/o Federalist Society, Washington DC.
-- Billmon


Bush and the Pope

Asked by NBC's Brian Williams to defend predictions that "the U.S. would be welcomed as liberators" in Iraq, President Bush replied, "I think we are welcomed. But it was not a peaceful welcome."


Jaffa cake

Any loincloth will do.
-- shmoo


T.G. Cid

When Bush unveiled his Faith Biased Initiatives, Robertson told his loyal 700 club audience that money from the feds was 'like a narcotic' and that charities would get hooked on them. Months later, Pat was rolling up his sleeve and praying for an uncollapsed vein.
-- www.fucktaxday.com


To sweep the cooked grains into the mouth, and to serve the cut-up morsels of the meat-and-vegetable dishes, chopsticks have proved more serviceable than hands or other instruments (such as spoons and forks, the former being used in China alongside the chopsticks).
-- K.C. Chang