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If You Don't Think 850 Calories for 1 Meal is Sufficient, You Might Have a Condition

Like a very large tapeworm.

Healthier school lunches, required for the first time this year, are getting some push back from students and teachers across the United States who say they are still hungry after eating the noon meal.
Other students from Massachusetts to South Dakota have spoken out about the new meals on websites and blogs, and some are brown-bagging it as a boycott to the healthier school meals.
There are several key differences between the previous standards and the updated ones. For instance, the old standards for lunch required that a daily minimum of 825 calories be offered to seventh through 12th graders; the updated standards call for a minimum of 750 calories and a maximum of 850 calories that can offered at lunch for high school students.

The meat guidelines are more complex. The old standards set a 1.5- to 2-ounce daily minimum of a meat or meat alternate such as cheese, peanut butter or tofu. Now there is a daily minimum and weekly maximums. So for instance, high school students must be served at least two ounces of a meat or meat alternate daily as a minimum, but that can't exceed 12 ounces on a weekly basis. Younger kids are offered less. There are similar requirements for grains.


So, not only do the guidelines make sure they get a minimum of 750 calories, they make sure they get at least 2 ounces of protein. With a max of 12 ounces in a 5 day school week, that's 2.4 oz per lunch. What exactly is the problem here?

One problem might be the part where the students and teachers are confusing the word "lunch" with "your meal for the day".

Grund calls Sharon Springs "a very small farming and ranching community. I do own animals. I do chores before school and I have football practice after school and then chores after that, and I need a large healthy meal to help me get through the day."

How about breakfast before school? And i'm pretty sure the concept of the "after school snack" still exists.

Or perhaps the schools need to figure out that "healthy" meals don't just mean those that adhere to the calorie guidelines.

"We had chicken nuggets one day. Last year, we got six and this year we only got three," says Callahan Grund, a 16-year-old football player at Wallace County High School in Sharon Springs, Kan., who is featured in the video. "We had pork cutlets the other day and that was really small compared to last year."

No wonder this kid's complaining. If fnord12 tried to present this to me as a meal, i would accuse him of trying to starve me to death. Who here thinks 3 chicken nuggets is a meal? If you do, you're prolly also one of those sick, sick bastards who agrees with the "1 cookie equals a serving" thing. Freaks.

But chicken nuggets and pork cutlets are prolly pretty damn high in fat and calories, so if they want to stay within the limits, the school can only give you tiny, itty bitty portions. How about something less breaded and dipped in fatty goodness, eh? Then mebbe the farming footballers could get a decent meal without having cholesterol problems.

And because i'm an asshole and can't resist this juvenile dig at people who have portion-size complaints, i give you the "I have a complaint about the quantity of your product" post. That's 600lbs of men, you know.

By min | September 27, 2012, 2:25 PM | Ummm... Other? | Comments (0)| Link

Bagel Heads

Today is apparently weird news day.

The bizarre look is created by injecting saline into the forehead until it swells up, and then pressing in the centre of the swollen area with a thumb.

The result gives the appearance that someone has the doughnut-shaped bread stuck to their head.

The process takes two hours to complete, but lasts just 16-24 hours, after which the saline is absorbed by the body and the forehead skinks to its normal size.

If you click on the link, you'll see pictures of people with bulges in their foreheads. Fair warning - it's kinda squicky.

This'll make you guys out there cross your legs:

The saline injections can be done on any part of the body -- some people have even had "scrotal infusions".


By min | September 27, 2012, 12:06 PM | Ummm... Other? | Comments (0)| Link

Brainwave Controlled Tail

I found this on 3Yen. They tell me it's a real thing.

And, ofc, it connects to your smartphone, too. What would be the point of wearing a tail that is connected to your brain if it couldn't also let your FB friends know where you are at any given time.

By min | September 27, 2012, 12:00 PM | Ummm... Other? | Comments (0)| Link

Forbes moves into The Onion's turf

I hedged my bets on the Romney airplane window which turned out to be a good move, so i'm going to also allow that this article might be, nay must be, satire.

Nearly every day there's yet another headline proclaiming how Millennials and teens aren't interested in driving and owning cars...

...The reason Millennials are turning away from cars is simply because no one is giving them vehicles they want....

Today's teens and Millennials are often called the entitled generation for a reason. They expect to drive their very own fully-loaded luxury vehicle with retractable roof and multi-speaker audio system. If they can't have their specific dream car, then they don't want anything and won't waste time getting a driver's license. Past generations of young drivers, by comparison, were satisfied with any piece of metal that moved.

My brother and I, like many other Millennials, weren't willing to downgrade, compromise, or to be forced to drive a parent's vehicle. I received my license at age seventeen only after I had my red convertible sitting in the driveway. My brother refused to even look at the driver's manual until he received his BMW at age eighteen. It is this sense of entitlement that is reshaping how automakers market and develop vehicles to appeal to Millennials.

"My parents let me borrow the station wagon on weekends" never sounded so much like "I had to walk to school barefoot in the snow" before.

By fnord12 | September 26, 2012, 7:45 AM | Ummm... Other? | Comments (1)| Link

My life as a sugar baby

Ok, not my life. But it's a journal of someone who went to work for a site like this.

By fnord12 | September 19, 2012, 12:39 PM | Ummm... Other? | Comments (0)| Link

John Cole is going to get himself killed

But he's a saint.

By fnord12 | September 10, 2012, 12:36 PM | Ummm... Other? | Comments (0)| Link

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