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Homeland Security - Keeping Bean Festivals Safe For You

So, good ol' Department of Homeland Security has been putting together a database (cause that's pretty much all they do - data mine) of all the national monuments and chemical plants and other places that are likely terrorist targets. This database is supposed to be used to assess how much funding each state gets.

Well, by now, you've all heard that security grants to NY and Washington were cut by 40%. And you've all heard the uproar this has caused. If I were the idiot who signed the paper designating the allocations, i would hide in fear and shame. Luckily, i'm not that idiot, so we carry on.

Here's the AP story Spored to Death sent me.

Much of the study by Homeland Security Inspector General Richard Skinner appears to have been completed before the department announced in May it would cut security grants to New York and Washington by 40 percent this year.

But the report, which was released Tuesday, affirmed the fury of those two cities - the two targets of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks - which claimed the department did not accurately assess their risks.

Instead, the department's database of vulnerable critical infrastructure and key resources included the Old MacDonald's Petting Zoo near Huntsville, Ala., a bourbon festival, a bean festival and the Kangaroo Conservation Center in Dawsonville, Ga.

[emphasis mine]

Well, I think it's pretty obvious to everyone that the Kangaroo Conservation Center is a key resource and a very likely target. The terrorists, afterall, hate our freedom and what better way to strike at that freedom than to take away our ability to conserve kangaroos, the best-known symbol of the Wild West?

Spored was particularly concerned for when he read this article, he cried out, "Oh god! They's after our bourbon!".

We've seen what made the list. Now let's take a look at what didn't make the cut.

The report noted that Indiana has 8,591 assets listed in the database - more than any other state and 50 percent more than New York. New York had 5,687 listed.
...the Homeland Security assessment of New York this year failed to include Times Square, the Empire State Building, the Brooklyn Bridge, or the Statue of Liberty as a national icon or monument.

Uh hmm.......

A Homeland Security spokesman did not return a call or e-mail for comment Tuesday night.

Because they were smart and decided to stay home. They sure as hell weren't going to take the fall for this one.

The data "have been and are currently being utilized to support allocation decision making processes for the department," wrote Foresman, who oversees the database and the grant funds.

He added: "The process also continues to mature and improve."

Let's see. The towers (in NYC, mind you - it's not nearly as vulnerable as Indiana, but the terrorists are sneaky that way), got blown up in 2001. It's now 2006. That's 5 years. 5 years. And his best answer is the process "continues to mature and improve"? 5 years and they still can't figure out that just mebbe Times Square might be just a little bit more vulnerable than Sherry Lewis' petting zoo in Alabama?? I suppose on the other hand, i should be glad that they're so incompetant at data mining.....ugh.

Someone pass me the bourbon.

By min | July 13, 2006, 11:16 AM | Liberal Outrage


Mmmmmmm beans... Must protect the beans...

But what about the bourbon?!?! We need to protect that!

You got dem shoes
on your feet
walking down Bourbon Street