For so many reasons.

I mean, they're boring as hell, for one. You usually only know a handful of people. You have to sit around making small talk (i despise small talk) with strangers (STRANGER DANGER!). And the games. The games!!! Ugh. And how excited can i be watching someone open gifts that won't be a surprise because Baby Gift Registry? Der.

But on top of all of that, the worst thing they do is promote gender stereotypes. Most are women-only. Why? With a heterosexual couple, both parents contributed to making the baby. Both parents want the stuff you're gifting them with. Shouldn't both parents attend the shower? The couple prolly also has close guy friends. Why are they excluded (read "let off the hook")? Don't men wish to congratulate the expecting parents? Why is a co-ed shower the exception, not the norm?

And don't get me started on the gender-specific gifts/decorations. Especially if it's going to be a girl. The explosion of pink and frilly things is not for the faint-of-heart. Girls apparently can't like trucks. Or safari animals. Not precious enough.

Why are baby showers such utter hell? Is it the preciousness? Is it the ooh-ing? Is it the painstaking unwrapping of every single gift, including a rectal thermometer? What exactly is it that makes it such utter torture, and how can something that only lasts an hour be so awful? More importantly, why the hell haven't we been making men do this for centuries already?

I'm not sure there's a way to solve the problem of the boredom and oddly insufferable chatter of the baby shower. I loved getting the baby stuff when I was pregnant, but it was hard for me to have a shower, because I'm just not a shower person. I think the solution is to make everyone suffer together, or make it more fun for everyone and less hey, look, another onesie.

OMG, what the hell is with the collective ooh-ing??? It's always perfectly timed so that everyone is in sync. It both amazes me and makes my teeth itch. It's just another pair of socks, people. Let's keep it together.

But back to the gender issues. I enjoyed the sarcasm in this article at the end when discussing how we must change things to "entice" men. What? Women don't want games we'll enjoy? Or food?

So, what i'm saying is

1) stop torturing me
but barring that (cause you're an evil jerk)

2) let's make everyone suffer equally.

This is pure "crabs in a barrel" mentality.

when i was a kid, my parents made me take swimming lessons. on the day they "taught" us how to tread water, they made us go to the part of the pool just deep enough so our heads would be under before we touched bottom. then we had to move out of reach of the side of the pool and tread water for some pre-determined amount of time. as i started sinking, i grabbed the kid next to me and pulled him down, thus propelling myself up to the surface for a few more seconds. any one of you could be next.