Issue(s): Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #84
Cover Date: Nov 83
Title: "Kidnapped!"
Credits:
Bill Mantlo - Writer
Dave Simons - Penciler
Dave Simons - Inker
Tom DeFalco & Danny Fingeroth - Editor

Review/plot:
This is a very strange story. The plot is straightforward enough - a politician positioning himself as a family man has his baby kidnapped, and Spider-Man goes and gets it back. But Dave Simons (who had been inking at Marvel for a while but i'm fairly certain this was his first job on pencils) turns in art that is a combination of Steve Ditko and Mad magazine, and on top of that there are a number of weird elements in the plot.

Here's the politician.

Here's Spider-Man (reciting to himself the criticism from the letter from verde in issue #80)

Here's the guy whose school didn't teach him nuthin'.

Here's some guys breakdancing to the #1 rap hit of 1983: I Love My Momma.

Could that possibly be a real song? My first impulse is to mock it relentlessly. But a part of me says not to; i could almost - almost - imagine Boogie Down Productions doing something like that. Those breakdancers are undeniably awesome, in any event.

Moving on, here's Spider-Man getting information on the missing baby by shaking down the locals at... the shady video game arcade?! (By the way, the cover of this issue show the rare Sac-Man arcade cabinet, highly sought by collectors of vintage arcade cabs and perverts alike.)

Here's the baby, who literally - and terrifyingly - has his father's face.

The kidnapper is a lady driven crazy by the fact that her real baby has died.

She winds up getting off scott-free. But the baby was subsequently kidnapped by some thugs looking for ransom money. They intended to feed it Tab.

And now for the real doozies. Here's Spider-Man tripping the fleeing kidnapper while he's holding the baby.

Jesus, Spider-Man! I don't care that the kidnapper fell further than you intended. Couldn't you maybe have waited to get a little closer and scooped up the baby gently in your arms?

Anyway, as you can tell by its calm expressionless face, the baby is in fact some sort of demon baby. This close-up confirms it.

And in retaliation for the fall, it summons a pack of Dire Wolves to attack Spider-Man.

Ok, it's not really a demon baby. So i don't know where these dogs are coming from. But between Simons' art and Mantlo's weird ideas about the inner city, reading this issue is a strange experience.

The Black Cat is released from the hospital this issue. Spider-Man sees her off, and is more formally introduced to the Cat's mom.

He finds out that the city is picking up the tab for the Black Cat's medical bills.

Quality Rating: C-

Historical Significance Rating: 1

Chronological Placement Considerations: The MCP places this between Amazing Spider-man #246-247.

References: N/A

Crossover: N/A

Continuity Insert? N

My Reprint: N/A

Not to get political here, but I sometimes think Spider-man comics were written as an argument for nationalized health care. I mean how many of his problems can be summed up with not having enough money to pay for basic medical care for his loved ones.

Good point, Kveto. Spider-Man is Marvel's Tommy Douglas. It's a pity Michael Moore didn't feature him in "Sicko". Maybe in some kind of sequel, let's hope.

The rap song the breakdancers are dancing to was probably influenced by Wuf Ticket's 1982 hit Ya Mama.

And the first few lines are obviously imitating The Message. Clearly Mantlo was hip to old school rap.

Related to Kveto's comment: greater irony is piled on when we consider the reports of Mantlo's tragic story of two and a half decades of sub-par care after being the victim of a car accident.

I had no memory of this one until I saw the cover & the wild dog attack... the rest had slipped my mind, mostly justifiably I think.

Mantlo is sometimes credited as "writer" and sometimes just as "script". Does anyone know if that means the "script" ones were done as Marvel Method, or if he just changed the job description sometimes? I'm wondering if some of the odd elements here came from Simons.