Alternate Titles: Godzilla 2000
Year: 1999
Director: Takao Okawara
Special Effects Director: Kenji Suzuki
In The Suit: Tsutomu Kitagawa (Godzilla), Makoto Ito (Orga)

After the critical failure of the 1998 American Godzilla film, Toho returns to do it "right". If anything, they play it overly safe. There's very little here to distinguish it from the Heisei era movies. Godzilla's look is very similar, although his dorsal spikes have increased in size and turned purple. And the plot is nothing new: the army tries to kill Godzilla but a new monster shows up and Godzilla fights it instead.

On top of that, the film is ambiguous about its "continuity". The movie does not reference any past events the way a Heisei film would, but it does take place in a world where Godzilla is already a known element, with a Crisis Control Intelligence (CCI) government agency and an independent Godzilla Prediction Network (GPN) both established to prepare for and track Godzilla appearances. This set-up may have been designed to make the movie feel like a continuation to people coming in either from the Heisei series or the American film (if you could get over the difference in looks). At least regarding the Heisei fans, this movie succeeded well enough on that front that for a long time it was thought that the Godzilla appearing in this film was "Junior", since Godzilla Sr. died in Godzilla vs. Destoroyah. But that isn't the case. Instead, with this film begins the new "Millennium" era wherein each Godzilla film (sans one) takes place in its own continuity, separate from all other Godzilla films except perhaps the first one from 1954 (in this movie even that's not necessarily the case but i'm assuming it is).

As a reboot, this movie does get right what both Return of Godzilla and the American movie did not, providing Godzilla with another giant monster to fight. The American Godzilla movie got a lot wrong, but even if they'd managed a better quality film and a more faithful look for Godzilla, the truth is that a single giant monster rampaging through a city and fighting the army is not that interesting anymore. We've already seen that. Luckily the creators of the 2014 movie understood that, and so did this movie. But there's no twist to the monster, and so between the stock plot and the ambiguous continuity it really does feel like it's just another Heisei movie.

But that may be exactly what Toho wanted. After the universal rejection of the American Godzilla, a return to form would have been exactly what fans wanted, and this movie did do well for Toho even if the critical reaction wasn't as positive. To signal that return to a classic Godzilla, the movie starts off with the old Toho title card, something that will continue throughout the Millennium period.

There are two things that distinguish this movie a bit. The first is something that was already happening, but we're going to keep seeing more and more of it, and that is the use of CGI. We did have CGI in the Heisei films, but thanks to the hiatus due to the American movie, the increased use of CGI in this film feels noticeable (that is, of course, not taking into account the Rebirth of Mothra films, which were low budget CGI crapfests). CGI technology will continue to improve and get cheaper, but at this moment what was available to Toho was not very good. CGI is almost never a substitute for carefully created models and other "hard" special effects, but things feel particularly lifeless at this time.

The second thing that spices things up a bit is again not entirely new, but it's also more noticeable here. Toho has been lifting from blockbuster American films since the 70s at least, but it feels really overt in this movie. Two movies were obvious inspirations for this movie. The first was 1996's Twister. This movie shows a father and daughter team, part of the GPN, acting as Godzilla chasers.

The second movie that is even more of an inspiration is Independence Day, also from 1996. And that may be a kind of poetic justice, since the creators of that movie, Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin, were the ones behind the American Godzilla movie.

Jerks.

The movie begins with the father (Yuji Shinoda, played by Takehiro Murata, the suit-wearing lackey from the Heisei Godzilla vs. Mothra) and daughter (Io, played by Mayu Suzuki) agreeing to let reporter Yuki Ichinose (played by Naomi Nishida) ride along with them to get Godzilla photos. They wind up a little too close...

...to the point where Godzilla's breath steams up their windshield and then his roar shatters it. His radioactivity also prevents Yuki's photos from developing.

How are they not cut to shreds by the flying glass?

Godzilla has emerged from the sea (sneaking up on a lighthouse captain) for no specified reason.

Oh, the lighthouse guy reminds me: the scene with him discovering Godzilla is played for laughs, with a tower falling on him but comically managing to not crush him thanks to a well placed gap. And there's a similar comic scene with some people at a restaurant as Godzilla passes. We have the English dubbed version of this movie, and there's apparently a complaint that this version was scripted to be overly comical. But it's pretty clear from these opening scenes as well as the exaggerated complaining from the reporter and her interactions with the daughter that we're not meant to be taking any of this too seriously anyway. The dubbing is actually moderately better than most dubbing efforts, due to the fact that Sony put in an effort instead of just using the stock dub that Toho usually provides for international release. There were actually plans to do a sequel to this movie with a screenplay by the guy that managed the dub for this one, but this movie didn't do well enough in the US to merit that.

The English version also cuts a little less than 10 minutes from the film, and the consensus from reviews seems to be that that's for the best.

Anyway, we've seen the GPN. Now we'll check in with their evil government counterparts, the CCI.

There is actually nothing evil about these guys. Yuji at the GPN broke away from them over a dispute about whether to kill or study Godzilla, but that's a standard argument and being on the "kill" side hasn't made you evil in past films. But the main CCI guy (Mitsuo Katagiri played by Hiroshi Abe) acts like an evil guy and is dubbed with a deep and evil voice. He will do one evil thing later in the movie, and then one crazy thing. His #2 guy (Shiro Miyasaka, played by Shiro Sano), is more of the beleaguered scientist type.

They are responsible for dealing with Godzilla, but their more immediate concern is a giant meteor that has been found beneath the sea. And here's where we have to cop to the fact that there's a submarine in this movie, and it doesn't ever get destroyed. C'mon, Toho! Remember your roots!

I got so excited when i saw the sub, too. :(

Once nudged, the meteor floats to the surface without the help of those balloons, and soon after surfacing it raises itself perpendicularly, facing the sun.

CCI's goal for the meteor, says the sinister boss, is to use its highly magnetic properties as an energy source "to reduce use of fossil fuels". MWAHAHAHAHAHAA!

He's no Dr. Who, that's for sure.

Meanwhile, despite all these trackers, Godzilla has managed to disappear and then sneak up on Japan again. He emerges near a nuclear power plant. "It's like he's trying to destroy our energy sources."

Don't be dramatic. He's just trying to have a snack.

Godzilla is looking a little tipsy.

His hella big spines are prolly throwing him off balance.

As Godzilla approaches the power plant, the CCI boss makes the call to have the plant shut down. To stop him from getting to the plant, they have an array of the usual equipment (including real tanks instead of models. blasphemy.) and also some newly developed missiles.

I mentioned the American dubbing before. One attribute of the dubbing is the colorful language. The reporter says, "Bite me!" to the GPN guys, and later when her boss tells her she has to go back to GPN to get more pictures of Godzilla, the following exchange occurs:

Reporter: Not another joyride with those freaks.
Editor: Ah, quit your bitching.
Reporter: Pain in the ass.

It's unusual to hear even minor cursing in a Godzilla film, but the reason i bring it up now is because the military says that the newly developed missiles will go through Godzilla like "crap through a goose". The plan is to lure Godzilla to some underground mines, which will collapse and which they will then flood, and then, if that doesn't stop him, they'll shoot the goose crap missiles.

Spoiler Alert: It's not going to stop him.

Flooding the mines is estimated to kill 2-300 people, which makes us wonder why they don't start with the missiles.

Now you know why he's the villain.

Anyway, it all seems irrelevant since as far as i can tell they never flood any mines. It's also not clear which missiles are the goose crap missiles. So every time we saw a new missile we were like ok, those are the goose crap missiles!

No, i guess these missiles the planes are carrying are the goose crap missiles!

None of the missiles actually go through Godzilla like crap through a goose. Some chip little bits of rubber off his costume, but that's about it.

Meanwhile, the mysterious meteor launches itself into the air. I mentioned Twister and Independence Day, but there's also a little Predator as it flies around.

The meteor flies to Godzilla...

...analyzes him, and then blasts him.

Of course Godzilla is going to blast back.

He just keeps blasting! Love Godzilla.

Godzilla is blasted into deep water and basically forgotten about.

It's speculated that the giant flying rock that is shooting lasers might happen to be a UFO (by definition, that's exactly what it is). The thing suddenly stops working at night, so it's also a solar powered UFO. I dunno, i almost feel like sustainable energy sources are made out to be the bad guys in this film.

It's like Nuclear Man from Superman IV. That was a terrible idea in 1987, and it's still a terrible idea in 1999.

While all of the reporters and scientists are gathered around the giant object, Yuki notices that her laptop has inexplicably powered on, and later sees that someone has hacked into all her Godzilla notes. Meanwhile, Yuji has acquired some Godzilla cell samples and has studied them. He goes to CCI, offering to share information if they allow him to use their equipment. He works with Shiro, the #2 guy, ("Let's try the electron microscope!", he giddily shouts, after first looking at the cells in a regular microscope), and they confirm that the Godzilla cells are showing evidence of regeneration.

Now, the Godzilla cells are regenerating (at this point) some five hours after they were blown off of Godzilla. So my first thought was "Oh my god, there's going to be Godzilla clones everywhere!". But that doesn't happen (obviously), and the possibility of it happening isn't mentioned. I suppose the cells must eventually die off, but it would be nice if that were explained.

I'll also note that Min and i are not at all surprised to learn that Godzilla has a healing factor, but i guess the people in this movie haven't seen as many Godzilla films as we have.

Amateurs.

Yuji and Shiro have this conversation.

Shiro: It's like watching the process of creation.
Yuji: In a way, we're its godparents.
Shiro: You discovered it, you ought to name it.
Yuji: Really? Hmmm.... Regenerator G-1.

I'm not sure what they've naming exactly. The process by which Godzilla regenerates? The fact that he regenerates? The cells themselves? In any event, in the Japanese version of the film, it (whatever it is) is named Organizer G-1 instead of Regenerator. They changed it for the American version because Organizer makes no sense. But the Organizer name will be important soon.

You know what makes no sense? That conversation.

Overnight, a portion of the rocks or barnacles or whatever start clearing away from the UFO underneath. It seems the scientists get a few extra hours because it's cloudy the next day, but eventually the clouds clear and the sunlight hits the UFO.

Wait a minute. They tied it to a bridge?!!?

Yes, and that bridge is destroyed as the UFO flies away.

*face palm*

The UFO flies around for a bit...

...buzzing Yuki's newsroom and allowing her editor to shout "Great Caesar's Ghost!".

It then perches down on top of a tall building called City Tower.

It was as the UFO was hovering over that building that i started to get the Independence Day vibe.

I really wish it didn't look like a lady part to me. Because now there's a giant building stuck in it, and it's really disturbing.

I also started to really dislike CGI, especially when it's being used to animate a big, blobby thing with no features. It's a little better when it's used to show Godzilla swimming around under the water.

It's a shame that CGI water isn't any better than just using a screen filter and a smoke machine.

It becomes night time again and the UFO seemingly shuts down. But then people realize that their computers are being hacked, and an infrared scan reveals... Dogora!

Ok, that's not really Dogora. It's the UFO sending out electronic tendrils to hack City Tower's super computer, and through that, every other computer in the city.

This causes some panic (Shiro: "We're all going to die, and I'm part of the reason!"), and they decide to blow up City Tower to stop the hacking. So they send over some big high tech looking bombs that they just happened to have prepared for the occasion.

Cereally. What exactly were you planning to use these bombs on before the alien hackers showed up?

I have no idea about that red ninja silhouette on the left there.

However, it turns out that the reporter, Yuki, is in the Tower, finding out what the UFO is after. But evil CCI boss won't stop the bomb. So Yuji rushes to the Tower, sends Yuki out, and then stays behind so that he can look at the computers himself.

And now we get to see what the UFO was downloading. Looks like... porn?

CCI guy still won't delay the blast. He says, "Looks like I'm gonna have to send more flowers". Evil, dude.

But Yuji manages to get out after all, so no harm no foul, right?

Even after the Tower is destroyed, the UFO survives and just hovers there. Again, a real Independence Day vibe, and of course there were a few beats in that story about computer signals as well.

When Yuji makes it back to the CCI building, he explains that the creature(s?) on the UFO is planning to change Earth's atmosphere to match its own. Ooh! Are they cockroaches? They're also planning to use Regenerator G-1 to modify their bodies, a point that Yuji demonstrates with his daughter's push screen toy . "Something without form, can take on another one."

That's awesome.

Of course that assumes that the alien(s?) in the ship currently has no form. Which is perhaps a good assumption to make based on their featureless spaceship. But it may not be a correct assumption. More on that in a bit.

Meanwhile, Godzilla returns.

The UFO lands on another building...

*shudder*

....and sends its power through the building into the ground so that it can manipulate power cables to attack Godzilla.

When did electricity become telekinesis?

But Godzilla unleashes his radioactive chi and melts those suckers.

The UFO then flies off its tower. In a sequence with really bad CGI, Godzilla turns around and smacks it with his tail. The UFO looks like it's no where near Godzilla until his tail touches it. It's like they're on separate planes of existence. Like, the UFO looks like it's way in the front of the screen, while Godzilla's in the middle, but he's still able to reach sideways and hit it. We've got a screenshot but it doesn't fully capture how poor the interaction is.

The UFO then blasts Godzilla with its canon. For a second Godzilla just stood there looking at it, and we were like, "Yeah! He's ready for your stupid laser this time!". But then Godzilla slowly falls down. Oops.

Then the UFO flies back over a building and goes full Independence Day on it.

Then the Dogora tentacles come out again.

And then the UFO emits a little blobby thing...

...which Yuji magically identifies as Regenerator G-1.

The blobby thing morphs into a squid thing.

Min: What the hell is that?
Fnord: Pfffft! So stupid. Such terrible CGI!

Now creatures like this one, in this form, will appear in the video game Godzilla: Save The Earth. They are called Millennians (not to be confused with Millennials, who, despite what older people in HR departments might think, are not aliens). So if that's a Millennian, then they must not have been "without form" prior to using the Regenerator G-1. On the other hand, it did initially come out as a shapeless blob, so it's possible the video game writers engaged in a little revisionism.

Really? Millennians is the name you came up with? Cause it's the year 2000? I bet the Showa writers could have come up with something better.

Anyway, the Millennian continues to evolve, and eventually becomes more solid and vaguely Godzilla-influenced.

Nuh-uh.

I'm sorry that i kind of look like the Rancor Monster. But admit it, you've always wanted to see the Rancor Monster fight Godzilla. So what are you complaining about?

In this form, the creature is known as Orga, although it's never called that in our dub. Why Orga? Because as mentioned above, in the Japanese version of this film, Godzilla's regenerating cells were called Organizer G-1 instead of Regenerator G-1. So "Organizer" gets shortened to "Orga". His name was probably cooler before you knew that, huh? Sorry.

He looks really awkward with that giant hump on his back and the extra large claws. Is he a digger? If he's a digger, i'll give him a pass on the otherwise-too-big-to-be-useful hands. I bet he's not a digger.

Godzilla's reaction is priceless.

Ah hahahaha! Another clone of me?! At least you're not a flower or covered in mood crystals this time.

Actually, when Godzilla gets up, he's still focused on the UFO, so he blasts it away with his breath.

Then he turns to Orga.

After fighting for a bit, Orga bounces away like a kangaroo.

Fnord: Huh?
Min: He's a leaper!

Orga has a canon in his shoulder, just like his UFO. If you weren't watching carefully, you could be forgiven for thinking that the UFO had turned into Orga.

But as we saw, that's not the case, and the actual UFO, which is still operative, joins Orga. This is why i've been hedging my bets with the pluralization of words. The UFO could be remote controlled, but it's possible there are also more Millennians in there.

The UFO rams Godzilla.

Godzilla's roar, by the way, has elephant noises mixed in with the usual sounds. Don't ruin this, Sony!

Godzilla starts blowing away parts of Orga with his breath, but it's able to regenerate them.

Godzilla just keeps blasting Orga, to the point where bits of him are just hanging off, and eventually, oddly, the soundtrack switches over to some sad music, like when the misunderstood monster is dying at the end of a movie. That's... not what's happening here, is it? Orga's not just a big cuddly guy that wants to be loved, right?

No, because soon we get back to fighting, with Orga biting Godzilla and drawing energy? DNA? from him.

A scientist helpfully explains that Orga is trying to become a Godzilla clone.

Then things get weird.

What the hell is it doing!!?? STOP DOING THAT!

WTF is coming out of your mouth, dude? Why are my opponents always gross?

With its newly giant mouth hanging open, Orga must send a signal to Godzilla saying, "Get in my belly!". Godzilla shrugs, happy to comply.

Orga starts growing Godzilla spines as it absorbs more of Godzilla's DNA.

Godzilla, c'mon, dude. Did you drop something in there or what? Blast him!

Of course we all know where this is going (except, apparently, Orga).

Regenerate this, asshole.

And that's bye bye, Orga. Godzilla just roars and roars in victory afterwards, as what's left of Orga blows away in the breeze.

Oh no. Not that again. Everytime Godzilla clones blow away in the breeze, they reconstitute in the rain or fall into black holes and then white holes.

Yuki: Boy that's ironic. It woke up after 60 million years, and then Godzilla destroyed it the very next day.

Now i said that the CCI guy did one evil thing (not holding off on the countdown while people were in City Tower), and you could maybe say there were two evil things if you count him going along with the plan to flood the mines, even though that didn't actually (seem to) happen. Both of those things are arguably more like expedient "greater good" type things than truly evil. And the guy definitely hasn't been shown to be doing anything in particular to Godzilla specifically. But for some reason, after defeating Orga, Godzilla starts coming over to the balcony where all the humans were watching the fight. I also said that the CCI guy does one weird thing, and this is it. Everyone else runs, but the CCI guy just stands there. He pulls out a cigarette and lights it. His rival GPN guy tries to pull him away, but the CCI guy punches him away. Then he just stands there as Godzilla approaches...

...eventually shouting his name and then just standing there defiantly.

Godzilla just pounds the guy and the entire building he's standing on.

Then he goes away, not interested in the other people still in the building.

I don't get it. This movie did nothing to establish any kind of rivalry between the CCI guy and Godzilla, and very little to establish that he was a super bad guy deserving of a personal stomp from the big guy. It was a very odd scene.

As Godzilla is leaving, the #2 CCI guy says out of nowhere, "We scientists produced this monster Godzilla. And ever since, we've tried to destroy him." Well, ok, but he is a giant monster that's destroying your city, so i'm not so sure trying to rectify a past mistake by destroying him is so wrong. In the context of this movie (and, by the way, that was the first time we heard anything about Godzilla's origin in this continuity), Godzilla has been destroying your power plants and stuff and then accidentally stumbled his way into a fight with a giant alien that leveled your city. So i'm not getting the regret at the end. I mean, long time Godzilla fans, we get it. But in the context of this movie, it's coming out of nowhere. But that's a minor thing after CCI #1 guy's personal confrontation with Godzilla. That really came out of nowhere.

As if to emphasize what a sweetie Godzilla really is, the movie ends with the sound effects all silenced, so all we hear is angelic choir music. And to accompany that, there's a scene of Godzilla clumsily trying to get out of the city, except he just keeps crashing into buildings and eventually says, "Fuck it" and unleashes his fire breath, burning down everything in sight.

"Ugh, how do you people live like this! It's always so cluttered around here!"

Anyway, this may not be the best Godzilla movie, but it definitely is a Godzilla movie, and that gives it a huge leg up over what came before it. We're glad to have you back, Toho.

I definitely applaud the return to terrible science. After 3 Mothra movies with no science-splaining, i'm glad to get back to faux science. Your monster design still needs work, though.

Godzilla Drinking Game
	Someone thinks it's a good idea to drag a giant monster across the ocean on a raft (giant eggs count).
	Attacking planes fly directly at a monster, with no possibility of avoiding a crash even if the monster didn't swat them down.
	People refuse to believe in the existence of a giant monster even though they've already acknowledged that Godzilla exists.	They get in front of this one, so it doesn't count. When discussing the possibility of the meteorite being a UFO, someone says, "It's too crazy to believe." And then Shiro says, "Right... like Godzilla's normal."
	A submarine explodes.	Can't believe it!
	Teens have a dance party on a boat. Two drinks/head smacks if they get attacked by a monster during the party.
	The government is completely ineffective when faced with a corporation doing something illegal.
	A humongous lumbering monster manages to sneak up on someone. Two drinks/head smacks if it's the army and they're supposedly using radar.	He sneaks up on the lighthouse guy and then again on the army later. This is in a movie with a network actively trying to track his movements.
	A scientist suddenly figures everything out with little-to-no information and explains it all to everyone.	We do have plenty of this. Yuji in particular is able to explain exactly what's going on with the alien at all times. "Look at that. It's Regenerator G-1" he says, as the alien he's never seen before emerges from the UFO. How do you know that?! My favorite is when he explains what the aliens are doing by using his kid's pinscreen.
	A monster suddenly grows in size just because.
	People expose themselves to major amounts of radiation with no concern.	It's explicitly established at the beginning of this movie that Godzilla is very radioactive (the reporter's photographs getting corrupted). So when we see the GPN guy crawling around in one of Godzilla's foot impressions scraping up cell samples, we get a little worried for him.
	Everyone suddenly knows a monster's name. Two drinks/head smacks if everyone else nods appreciatively and repeats it.	I bet it happens in the Japanese version, but with the Organizer G-1 getting changed to Regenerator G-1, there isn't an opportunity, and Orga isn't even named.
	Army missiles can't seem to hit a 150+ foot monster and instead explode harmlessly around it.	We have to admit that the missiles are all hitting their targets. It's a lot easier when everything is CGI instead of bottle rockets. We need new drinking game rules for the later Godzilla movies.
	A woman falls down for no reason.
	Bad dinosaur science. You have to give a little leeway for the time period, but pretending a children's picture book is a scientific journal is always worth two drinks/smacks.